Who Says The Missionary Position Is Boring?

Bored in bed? You don't have to get crazy with your partner: just add a little more spice into your usual routine. Even the missionary position can be thrilling! The missionary position is a classic for a reason. It is one of the most comfortable and versatile sex positions. But we all know that boredom is a libido killer. But you don't have to give up the missionary position to have more fun in bed. Here are 10 strategies to increase your pleasure during classic missionary position sex.

1. Orgasm Before Intercourse

Most women do not have orgasms from intercourse alone. That's why one of our Pleasure Mechanics Golden Rules of Sex is this: Have Orgasms Before Intercourse. Follow this guideline and intercourse will become much more pleasurable. Make sure your guy masters his oral sex and fingering techniques so he can bring you to orgasm before penetration. Orgasms prepare your body for pleasurable penetration. Many women find that having orgasms before intercourse makes orgasms during intercourse much more likely. So follow this simple strategy to make missionary position sex way more pleasurable for both partners. You will be relaxed, aroused and ready for the pleasures of penetration. Your guy will be more confident and able to enjoy his own experience, and will be less worried about how long he lasts.

2. Maximize Skin Contact

One of the great things about the missionary position is that it allows for lots of skin contact. Take advantage of this by actively rubbing your body against your lovers'. Go for maximum skin contact and notice what happens. Rub your hands up and down your lover's back or your legs along their sides. Pull them close and feel your chests pressed together. Think of yourself as starving, and the way you get fed is through your hands. Devour him with your touch.

3. Hips Don't Lie

Missionary position doesn't mean you have to lie still as he moves. Try bending your knees, planting your feet on the mattress and moving your hips! Or, try rocking your hips back and forth, moving them in circles or in an undulating wave-like pattern. Find a way to move your hips so his movement hits your g-spot. Most guys love it when women are more active during sex, so try not to worry about what your belly looks like. Instead focus on what you are feeling and maximize your pleasure by moving your hips in ways that feel best to you!

4. Engage Your Pleasure Centers

To make missionary position sex more pleasurable for you, don't ignore the center of your sexual system! Your clitoris is the queen of your arousal. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Don't be too shy to touch your own clitoris during sex. Simply reach down while he penetrates you and stimulate your clitoris. If he protests, explain that touching yourself while he is inside you is a major turn-on.

5. Deepen Intimacy With Eye Gazing

Another benefit of the missionary position is the ability to look at your lover's face. Try this next tip only if you want to get more intimate with your lover — this is NOT a trick for one night stands! Ask him ahead of time to experiment with holding eye contact during his orgasm. Look in one another’s eyes all throughout sex, but as he gets closer to climax, lock in eye contact and don't look away. Looking each other in the eyes as one (or both) of you have an orgasm is incredibly intense. You may find yourself flooded with emotions. You may even cry. Be prepared for a profound emotional experience.

6. Get Naughty

Missionary position sex can be far from boring if you bring in some "bad girl sex" tricks! Try simple bondage and invite your lover to be more dominant. Simple cuffs designed for erotic bondage are the safest option for exploring the pleasures of being all tied up. Only try this strategy if you trust your lover to keep your pleasure in mind as he gets more rough. Set clear boundaries about what will and will not happen, and then try to surrender and let him have his way with you! Turn it up a notch by wearing a blindfold. Without the ability to move your arms or see what is happening, every tiny touch will feel intense and you’ll soon be suspended in erotic sensation.

Love Sayings...

Here is what relationship experts think about the tried love sayings.

1. Say “I Love You” Every Day. Barbara De Angelis, personal-development expert: Say it as often as possible. There’s no reason to be emotionally stingy with the person you love. Nancy Kalish, psychologist: I agree that it should be said often, but it should be said sincerely, so it means something. Not just “Good-bye. Love you.”

2. Play Hard to Get. Sam Yagan, dating-website cofounder: Playing hard to get starts the relationship off on a deceptive foot. If you want your relationship to be based on trust, honesty, and communication, why would you begin it like that? Greg Behrendt, co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You: You shouldn’t play hard to get; you should be hard to get, because your life is so busy and fulfilling. My wife and I call it being a MOD―a moving object of desire.

3. Your Spouse Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend. Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: I agree. I think you’re asking a lot of your marriage to have the level of confidentiality, truthfulness, and disclosure that a best friendship has. Your marriage can fulfill only so many roles. De Angelis: I disagree. If your spouse isn’t your best friend, then what is he? I think it’s important that you not only love him but like him a lot, too. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well―especially when you are having relationship difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

4. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder. De Angelis: A little bit of absence can help you appreciate your partner. Too much is dangerous. Relationships need connection, and it’s challenging to stay connected when you aren’t spending time together. Schwartz: To a point―and then absence makes the heart go roaming. You need a steady diet of intimacy and the other person’s presence to remember why you’re in the relationship. If you don’t see each other often enough, you can start to lead parallel lives instead of lives that intersect. Yagan: Absence can make the desire and lust for your partner grow. But it can also lead to stress in a relationship, because phone calls or text messages aren’t substitutes for real conversation.

5. You Can Learn to Love Someone. Judy Kuriansky, sex therapist: That’s true, depending on how you define love. You may not have the love-at-first-sight kind of love, but the deep companion kind of love―in terms of trusting each other and being a team―can develop over time. Behrendt: No, that sounds like settling. I don’t believe in settling, because it’s not fair to the person you’re with or yourself. It’s not like settling on an apartment you don’t love but can live with.

6. Never Go to Bed Angry. Barbara De Angelis, personal-development expert: I disagree. Most of us don’t do well discussing emotional topics late at night, when we’re tired and less emotionally articulate―and your well-intentioned desire to kiss and make up is likely to make him angrier. Let your partner get some rest and things will be easier to resolve in the morning. Howard J. Markman, psychologist: Most of the relationship issues that people argue about at night can wait for another day. However, if there are urgent issues that need to be discussed, partners should talk things through earlier in the night, then try to spend what is left of the evening relaxing. Nancy Kalish, psychologist: You shouldn’t go to bed angry, but that doesn’t mean you have to solve every problem before you nod off. Even if an issue isn’t resolved, people who love each other should be able to put it aside and get some sleep, but with the understanding that it will be addressed in the near future with a time specified.

7. Having Kids Will Bring You Closer. Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: Children are an extraordinary source of joy, but they also bring conflict and difficulty into any relationship. You lose time, privacy, and intimacy. An otherwise easy relationship can be tested in a whole new way. Kalish: The more family members you have, the more friction you have, because there are more relationship issues to work through. And if you focus exclusively on the kids, it takes away from your togetherness as a couple.

 

8. There Is Such a Thing As Love at First Sight. Ellen Wachtel, couples therapist: False. Often it takes time for love to develop. For some people, physical chemistry plays such a big role at the outset that it is mistaken for love. Schwartz: It’s a romantic story when it works out, but you don’t hear about the relationships that end badly. Relationships start slow and build; they aren’t necessarily wonderful from the start. Markman: You’ll quickly know if you’re attracted to each other, but not if you’re compatible or fit to stick together through tough times.

 

9. Always Keep Him Guessing. Greg Behrendt, co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You: No, that’s tactical game playing, not love. It takes a lot of calculated effort and is dishonest. Schwartz: It’s powerful and mysterious to be unpredictable, but it is also manipulative and can build resentment and anger and erode intimacy and respect. Sam Yagan, dating-website co-founder: There’s good guessing and bad guessing, and it’s really about what kind of guessing you’re making him do. Try to keep the relationship fresh by being unexpectedly romantic.

 

10. You Can Never Be Too Close. Wachtel: False. Many marriages are damaged by partners thinking that closeness means not having to censor what they say or do. Some couples take each other for granted: Metaphorically speaking, they never get out of their sweat suits at home. If you don’t make an effort to be well mannered or attractive to your partner, then you’re too close. Markman: That’s absolutely true. Closeness―emotional intimacy―is the heart of a good marriage, so it’s important to talk about what closeness means to each of you. 

11. Love Conquers All. Barbara De Angelis, personal-development expert: Unfortunately, this is not true. Love is a big part of a lasting relationship, but shared values and commitment are still required. Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: Sadly, it’s a myth. Love won’t conquer poverty, addiction, or abuse.

 

12. Everyone Experiences the Seven-Year Itch. Schwartz: The itch is true, but it doesn’t necessarily take seven years to get there. Some people get divorced within a year or less if they’re convinced the marriage isn’t salvageable. Howard J. Markman, psychologist: Most partners will at some time think about divorce, but not necessarily in seven years. The data show that most people who thought about getting divorced were happy they stayed married when surveyed five years later. When things are tough, focus on increasing friendship and sensuality in the relationship.

 

13. The Way to a Man’s Heart Is Through His Stomach. De Angelis: The way to a man’s heart is through his heart. Men want a woman who is going to be a great friend and companion―and if they have to order takeout, so be it! Judy Kuriansky, sex therapist: It’s true if he loves food, but that part about having to feed the needs of his heart is true, too. Still, don’t lose sight of your own needs. For a relationship to be successful, both partners need to feel pleased and fulfilled. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: You’re off by about six inches. Sex is the direct way to a man’s heart.

Why Women Lie

In a survey conducted (more than 500 women), more than 80 percent of women of various backgrounds believe in beneficial lying, while 60 percent of interviewees admit to an addiction secret. Women tell all sorts of lies. There are infidelity lies, financial lies, and smaller, white lies about time and commitments that border on excuses. Where a man will lie for a secret as a quick fix in his lie, a woman will carefully guard her secret – this secret is a part of her existence, it can make her powerful. Women choose very specific kinds of lies, lies that might not even occur to men. Compassionate lies, uniquely female in nature, manifesting as “I’d rather lie than hurt your feelings.” This is a familiar form of lying, and it softens up the hard truth. We tell our best friend she looks good in a dress when it’s unbecoming.

Another female lies used to assuage the status quo is the betterment lie: “I lie to improve the situation.” This particular lie certainly has its pluses, and most women say it’s the bread and butter of female lies. So, when it comes to a bonus, a raise, or promotion, a betterment lie could expedite matters, it could make all the difference that women tell lies in order to be recognized. Designated lies are lies about a specific situation, our past, our education, our family life. The message here is “I have too much to lose if I unveil by secret, my lie overpowers my moral code.” Finally, there is the beneficial lie, justified by women for its conviction. A woman’s explanation of this kind of lie is “it’s more important than the truth.” “How could I have built this business if I hadn’t buried my secret – past debts.”

There are societal directives that keep women invested in their secrets and lies, to varying degrees:

•  Shame factor – disclosing a lie can make us look bad. Woman would prefer to delude themselves when it comes to the ramifications of having a secret rather than face their shame. Women are keenly conscious that they can be disgraced by a discovered secret and they take great care to cover their tracks.

• Guilt game – guilt is another emotion women avoid when it comes to their secrets. Guilt is linked to shame, but a woman who feels ashamed believes that she didn’t measure up; a woman who feels guilty believes that she did the wrong thing (such as not taking action, not telling the truth)

• Denial quotient – this is how women dismiss guilt and shame. It’s easier not to dig deep enough to acknowledge the need for a lie, to deny the dark side of lying. This applies to various secrets that women preserve.

In a culture where the notion of romantic love is subsuming and sex is the ultimate declaration of such a commitment, women keep secrets. In the book on female infidelity, A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs That Make or Break Their Marriages, 65 percent of the interviewees reported that sex was better with the lover than in the marriage, and 90 percent felt no guilt but a sense of entitlement in conducting the affair. In one research, Women and Love, 60 percent of interviewees felt an affair was “a way of enjoying myself ...having one person appreciates you in a way that another doesn’t.” The research further shows that 13 percent of the women are “in love” with their husbands, while 82 percent love their husbands, which is defined as “caring and/or companionship.” Once there are children in marriage, the romance disappears, and 70 percent are dissatisfied with the sex.

The above findings explain a need for lies when it comes to women and their sex lives, let alone romantic longings. While it is standard fare to complain about a husband up to a point, an affair is off-limits. Sure, women will confide in a sister, a best-friend, someone who will cover her secrets which are worth protecting. Women will go about their business as wives and mothers with a lover on the side. For those women willing to risk having a lover (60 percent of married women conduct extramarital affairs), lies of all sorts unfold.

Another way in which women lie about their love lives involves old boyfriends and ex-husbands. We see women settle into what appears to be happy relationships and marriages, and assume they’re set. Yet women say they are missing an emotional connection. These women describe the list of happiness, without the real thing. For women who remain in these unions, it’s a lie lived daily, for the sake of children, and financial stability.

Also, women lie about their sexual encounters and number of partners. It’s surprising that so many years after the sexual revolution, this is actually still the case, and that the perception of women-as-pure is at a premium. On a lighter note, women are known to lie about orgasms and how enjoyable sex is with their partners. The famous fake orgasm of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally underscores how well women pretend.

The women who confessed to family secrets concerning domestic (physical or emotional) abuse and incest say they kept the secret in order not to disrupt the family. Furthermore, the women made excuses for the perpetrator, or failed to tell a mother or sister what had transpired. This makes it easier for the woman, as the victim, to blame herself rather than blow a whistle on a husband, stepfather, uncle, or older brother or family friend who appears incapable of the abuse he inflicts.

Sex addiction, long considered a male disorder, has not actually been defined by our society. We recognize that male standard: porn on the internet, a lack of connection with one’s partner, unnatural urges. But the public would be surprised if a female revealed a pornographic secret. When it comes to cyberspace pornography, 70 percent of women say they do it in secret, as reported by TopTenREVIEWS, an Internet site. Chat rooms offer a woman a fantasy life if she is unhappy with her partner, or single, and so, in many cases, the addiction begins. Women know how to cover this shameful secret and guilty act, because the stigma against sex addiction for men is strong, for women the taboo is stronger – the cover up is greater. TopTenREVIEWS reports that 17 percent of women struggle with pornography addiction, women favor chat rooms twice as much as do men, and 9.4 million women access adult Web sites on a monthly basis.

The internet only increases the odds of a woman fantasizing about the man she meets, since what one presents about herself/himself online can prove very different from the reality. That means the couple is operating on false premises. By joining a Web site such as Match.com, Tagged, Friendfinder or eHarmony, can be both a positive and negative experience. For some subscribers, it’s a healthy way to meet a potential mate; for others, it’s a way to hook someone before he learns to much, if he ever does. In this way, there is a provision for female lies and deception, which can be perpetuated once the couple meets.

Source:  Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets by Susan Shapiro Barash, 2008

What Men Appreciate from Women

When is the time to introduce a man and his date to the bedroom. There are really no right or wrong answer. Every person is different. But if a man has stolen your hearts, and you think you are ready to sleep with him, make doubly sure that your doing it for the right reasons. Men don’t think of sex in the same way women do. For men, it is a physical act that is in the moment; for women, it is an emotional act and an expression of how they feel about the man. The fact is you (woman) shouldn’t have any expectations after you sleep with a man. It is also not a good idea to sleep with a man just because you believe it’s the next step in the relationship. You must be also be aware that sex changes everything. The morning after your first night together, you may feel closer to him or it may be the beginning of the end. If you’re simply looking for a bed buddy, then you don’t have to worry about whether he stays or goes the next day, but if you’re looking for something more, make sure you know where things stand.

One hundred men were asked to find out what keeps a man turned on in the bedroom. Here’s what the guys have to say:

•   SMELL. Men love the smell of a freshly showered woman with clean hair and a little   dab of perfume at the nape of her neck.

• SKIN. Soft skin against their bodies was a must. If you have a skin problem, take a trip to a dermatologist.

• WOMEN WHO TAKE CHARGE. Men like nothing better than to be the one to just lie there on their backs and enjoy the aggressive sexual moves of women.

•  FOREPLAY. Keep the foreplay alive. It will bring you both to the edge and keep him coming back for more. 

• ADVENTURE. Men love to be taught new things and be taken on adventures. Once you are both comfortable with each other, anything goes.

• MOUTH. It’s sexy and sensual. A lot of male fantasies stem from her sensual lips.

• FEET. Polished toes are a must.

• GOOD BREATH. Minty fresh.

Of course, the bedroom is a place for you to create your own sense of sensuality and identity. Some details that will make your bedroom ready for anything: Candles, fresh-cut flowers, a variety of outfits (lingerie, robes), fresh sheets, sexy throw pillows. The side drawer should contain breath mints, massage oil and any other pertinent items that he would enjoy.

  
Adapted from: "Why hasn't he called" by Titus and Fadal, 2008